


Past the Radar

by Snarkoleptic



Series: Other Bits and Bobs [6]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-23
Updated: 2011-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-27 22:55:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarkoleptic/pseuds/Snarkoleptic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a little encouragement from an unexpected friend, our desire demon is ready to try again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Past the Radar

**Author's Note:**

> It's entirely possible that I've lost my mind. Not only has this song been stuck in my head all day, I was also reminded against my will of the dream I had that one time where my car was stolen out of a Blimpie parking lot by four Bea Arthur lookalike drag queens. They brought it back, and even though I had wasted time calling the cops and was late getting back to work the only thing I could be angry over was that the bitches didn't park it where I left it.
> 
> And then Shag showed up, waving her pasties in my head. (I believe I mentioned being afraid of this.)
> 
> For those who need a reference (not to Bea Arthur): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw&ob=av3e
> 
>  **Warning: anatomy ahead.**   
> 
> 
> * * *

Sweet!

Who would have thought the shiny little rectangle thingie I found on my vanity was, like, a _present_? And for _me?_

I have to use both hands to hold it, but it makes such pretty music when I blow in it! It didn't take long at _all_ to make it practically _sing_ on all its own.

And _then_ that bitch Whisper showed up out of nowhere, but this time she wasn't laughing. She was, like, _crying_ and she said how sorry she was she's been so mean and how she just _had_ to make it up to me.

I knew it! She _liked_ my plan from that one time, before I got possessed by that witch from out in the world. She saw I almost had him and she was, like, _jealous_! Of _me_!

So she said this little rectangle thing will help if I blow in it sometimes. She called it a, like, harmonica. And then she said if I have that issue with my sash, we can sneak it past the scary people who watch us all the time by talking about it in a language they don't even _know_! I didn't know there was one, but Whisper said in Orlais they get away with _lots_ of things so she taught me a new word.

And she taught me how to use guilt and hurt feelings to make my mage sorry for me, because that's how she got _her_ mage yesterday. And _then_ she said the pasties don't have to be an issue anymore because if I put on lots of different colors it'll help with the choreography she's teaching me, and I never _knew_ the boys from out there liked the makeup done like this.

And I believe her because every time I put my hands up in the air and flounce like she's teaching me, my sash falls again and she doesn't laugh or _anything_ , she just reminds me of how to call attention to it in _Orlesian_ , so the cent sores – whatever _those_ are – don't catch on.

Oh, I'm so glad! She's being so _nice_! But now she has to go away because my mage (okay, so he's not, like, _mine_ yet, but as close as I got the last time she said it _has_ to happen now if I use _all_ my tricks! I just hope I can, like, concentrate enough to remember all the steps.

 _Oooh! Here he comes!_

* * *

 _Oh_! I almost forgot and didn't turn up the lights and music again! This time it's my, like, harmonica, being all light and melodic and stuff. Or something. And I kind of had to murder the lute to get it to make plucky sounds like this, but I kind of like it, and my new friend Whisper says my mage will too.

Shake the shoulders, shake the shoulders, point with a finger to draw him in.

.-^-.

 _Invitation in my eyes all the way_

 _If I listened to your lies I might say_

 _We demons suck at attraction_

 _We demons don't really know_

 _How to sell simple possession_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _.-^-._

Snap the fingers, snap the fingers, make him think it's fun! Hands up! Oh no! Sash down, sash down! _Wait! Orlesian!_

 _.-^-._

 _Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby_

 _See my vagine, see my vagine_

 _.-^-._

Fix the sash, fix the sash, it's a sexy shimmy! Shake the shoulders, shake the shoulders, guilt!

.-^-.

 _I can hear your wicked words in the Fade_

 _Though I try to be so sweet, you've heard me say_

 _My power is an addiction_

 _When we merge, our bond is strong_

 _If you go, you're gone forever_

 _You string along, you string along_

 _.-^-._

Oh, _shit_ , there it goes again! Sexy shimmy, sexy shimmy, fix the sash. Shoulders, shoulders, point. Snap. Like, ohmy _Fade_ , I'm totally getting it!

.-^-.

 _Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby_

 _See my vagine, see my vagine_

 _In the Fade, it's like survival_

 _Be my lover, not my rival_

 _In the Fade, it's like survival_

 _Be my lover, not my rival_

 _.-^-._

Guilt is done! Shoulders, shoulders, snap. Sweeeet!

.-^-.

 _We demons suck at attraction_

 _We demons don't really know_

 _How to sell simple possession_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _.-^-._

Little rolling percussion, snap, bring it home, Shag, come on!

.-^-.

 _Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby_

 _See my vagine, see my vagine_

 _Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby_

 _See my vagine, see my vagine_

 _Karma karma karma karma karma desire demon_

 _You come, I'll go; you come, I'll go_

 _Can't we make this easy, don't call out the eee essarby_

 _See my vagine, see my vagine_

 _.-^-._

Wait. What? He's gone?

What the _Fade?_ Whisper's _laughing! Again!_

 _  
**Augh!**   
_

* * *

Anders wakes, redoubling his resolve never to speak of this again. At least this time there isn't anyone nearby to have seen him sitting bolt upright from a dead sleep.

 _Maybe I should just stop eating after lunch…_


End file.
